Here we find Harry, wearing tapered anaconda slurpeets paired with a Venetian-mesh blouse and heel-jacked hog-bladder booties, photographed with Gina Berruchio, hostess of the popular Italian gameshow “Your Mommy’s Salami,” wearing a new Gerhard Richter X The Jogging dress produced by Uniqlo. The occasion is the first annual benefit gala at the Wonderwheel Center, a Long Island-based institution founded by Lady Gaga in order to promote “intrinsic and explosive wonder-cality in the performing and visual-type arts.” Guests at the benefit—which reportedly “cleared everyone worthwhile out of Manhattan for an entire Saturday, leaving only the shitty and unimportant behind, weeping into the pillows of their own insignificance,” according to GalleristNY.com—were treated to various coGAGAborations with the likes of Antony, Marina Abramovich, and Dustin Yellin. (The latter artist’s piece was literally electrifying, as it involved Gaga playing a bone-white grand piano whose keys were attached by wires and alligator clips to the nipples of Yellin, who was suspended precariously above a large water basin.) Peter II was woefully unable to attend, as he had previously committed to making a promotional Sweet 16th birthday cameo in Anaheim, California. (“$18,500 to show up, eat some cake, fart, and take the jet home,” Harry explained, with a languorous wrist movement of unexplained import.)
The evening kicked off with erstwhile actor Alan Cumming MC’ing what Gaga referred to as a “wonder-tastic battle between artiste bulls and slavering, testosteroni matadors [sic, from press materials].” Creatives, including Peter Coffin, Matthew Barney, and Sarah Sze, donned frilly ‘bull’ costumes designed by Rob Pruitt, and proceeded to be taunted, “stabbed,” and ultimately slaughtered by James Dimon, CEO of JPMorgan Chase. “In Madrid they eat the balls,” Dimon cackled, to the delight of a braying front-row crowd. “But here we exercise a bit more restraint.”
Later, a select cream of V.I.P.s were skimmed from the rabble and invited to take part in A Boat For My Lady, A Lady For The Lake, a brand new experiential installation produced by Gaga in conjunction with Punchdrunk and General Electric. The event, as candidly described by the Center’s publicist, “is pretty much like Sleep No More except outside, and with fewer people, but with more freaky-deaky Oriental-type shit.” Guests wearing thin-china masks were escorted into the woods by a gaggle of “ninja-clown-butlers” who enacted a malleable narrative based on Shakespeare, Law & Order: SVU, and David Foster Wallace’s Pale King. (Specific details were scant, as media was not invited to participate.)
Harry was reportedly lost from the group for six to seven hours, later discovered by a Long Island police officer curled into the hollow of a tree. He was unharmed, but also different, somehow, from that point on.