BRANT WATCH

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An all-inclusive yet clearly, for legal purposes, satirical and made-up website for brant brothers sightings, news, gossip, rumors, photos, and other necessaries. Original concept by Scott Indrisek, a slovakian socialite. For legal purposes, written and hosted by someone else entirely.

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Patriarch Peter I discusses the plummeting prices of organic kimchi stocks with Harrius Honeypot, the fabled collector who made his first million as the third caveman in the early ’00s GEICO commercials. They’re photographed at the Gagosian gallery in Los Angeles for the opening of Richard Prince’s “Rasta Mon (Funk Off)” exhibition, which features original Patrick Cariou photographs that have been urinated on by Dan Colen, scanned, and then printed by www.cheapcanvas4u.com. Patriarch Peter I confessed that he’d bought the entire show in advance, with the works to be distributed equally among the Brant compound and the chain of low-carb falafel restaurants he recently purchased in Lebanon. A female rockabilly band composed of former Ryan McGinley models performed at the opening. Peter II and Harry were unable to join their father, as they had previously committed to delivering a joint keynote webcast to the University of Phoenix’s interior design honors program. Richard Prince failed to personally attend the opening, which led to a persistent rumor that he had died, though he had not.